UNSENT CONFESSIONS: My Love, by anonymous
My love,
I have a confession to make to you, a horrible confession that I know I will never have the courage to tell you to your face.
I love you. You know I love you more than I have loved anyone in my life, so that’s not my confession.
My confession is that I have lied to you.
Do you remember when I told you that I had left behind my old life when I came to you?
I lied.
I never had the courage to tell him that I had found you, that I finally had something that I could see, feel, touch, taste. What could I say to him? I loved him to distraction, to the point where I would wake myself up at 4am just to spend time with him, just to have those cute little webcam chats and sing quietly to each other so we didn’t wake up our sleeping families.
My confession is that I still love him.
No matter how much time has passed, it cannot change what there was between us. I know you don’t believe me when I say that my relationship with him was the best I have ever had. You don’t understand that physical contact isn’t everything, that we didn’t need touch to understand or express how much we loved each other. How can you? You have never been so isolated, so disillusioned with the world that you would rather talk to people who live a thousand miles away than someone who lives just up the street.
My confession is that I cannot forget.
I still love him, and Nick, and Jared. They all left such a lasting impression on me that I couldn’t forget them if I tried. And the darkness knows I have. How can I explain to you what it is like to sit in the darkness and scream silently, both longing and fearing to be heard? I’ve tried to forget them. But the pain, the agony is engraved so deep in my soul that it may take decades to heal. Decades that I hope I will have the strength to continue through.
But most of all, my confession is that … Given a chance … I would forsake them all for you.
I know you don’t put much stock in words; actions are what I would need to convince you. But I promise, I swear on everything that I have ever held dear, that I will prove this to you. No matter how long, no matter what happens, I will remain forever yours.
Someone once said, “So what is it? A memory … or us?”
I choose you.
Once, my memories were all I had. Now, I would destroy that illusory world, that fantasy, I would shatter everything I have worked so hard to build, if it meant that you would love me forever. Your smile, your voice, your eyes, your laughter, they all brighten my spirit and banish the darkness. Slowly, little by little, you are killing the cancer that riddles my mind.
I‘ve learnt over the years that love can destroy.
But love can heal.
And you are healing me.
My confession is that I love you.
My confession is that I need you.
My confession is that I will be yours until the end of time, if you will only have me.
Signed,
Anonymous
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Note from Michy: Thank you, anonymous, for your heart-felt letter.
Great letter, and great site. Too bad it isn’t updated more often. I mean, no new articles since Sept 25 and no updates on submissions since middle of October?? And submissions are backlogged to April?