A Good Little Wife, by anonymous
Dear you,
When you got off work that night, I expected you to come home, like you always did.
But you didn’t.
Three days later, me frantic with worry and having called all your friends and family, you finally called me. I’ll never forget those words, “I can’t do this anymore.”
Did you take that line from one of the cheesy nighttime soap opera type dramas you used to watch all night long instead of talking to me? Maybe you heard that line on one of the sim-type video games you played all day long instead of being a part of the household, a part of the family.
I don’t know where the line came from, and even more than that, I’m not sure what you meant by, “I can’t do this anymore.”
Do what? You can’t sit around all day while I wait on your hand and foot, working 12 plus hours per day, while you work your 20 hour per week part-time job? Or maybe it’s that you can’t sit around and do nothing but eat my home cooked meals? Or maybe you are so worn out from all the lovemaking we weren’t doing?
Really, what exactly was it that you couldn’t do anymore?
So then, without even talking to me about what was going on, where you were going, who you were going to live with… nothing, you come by, tell me you wanted to pick up your things. I sat on the bed, watching you pack your clothes, numb, cold. Ice.
“Are you going to help me pack?” you asked.
Are you serious? “No,” I said, choking back tears, “if you’re going to do this, you’re doing it on your own.”
It would be the first thing you did all by yourself in our entire relationship.
If I’d known then what I know now, I wouldn’t only have helped you pack, I would have asked you to leave sooner.
You walked out the door, but you didn’t walk out of my life. Oh, how I wish you had.
A few months later, in a phone call, you had the nerve to say, “I guess we both made mistakes.”
Was that your version of closure? Trying to get me to take some blame? No, I didn’t make mistakes. I had and have nothing to apologize for.
I did nothing wrong.
I held you when you cried. I initiated sexual activity while you rejected me. I cooked for you. I cleaned for you. I washed your clothes and had them ready for work. I made and packed your lunches for your part-time job. I waited on you hand and foot, doing all the things a ‘good little wife’ would do. I listened to every story. I laughed at every joke. I loved you the best way I knew how.
The only thing you could accuse me of doing wrong was working too much, but with a growing family, and you only having a part-time job, someone had to pay the bills.
That someone was me.
So you’ve come and gone, moved on to the person you cheated on me with, and likely have moved on to the next person you cheated with too.
Nothing of you remains in my house, my life, my heart.
But still, I think of you. There’s no love behind it. There is, however, a residual sadness… a sadness I cannot explain and do not understand. A sadness I do not choose to touch. And yet, it lingers there.
Unfinished business.
There is no closure. It’s a self-destructive thing that I won’t give you closure, because by failing to give you closure, I deny myself that closure too.
Though I’ve moved on, though I am happy, though I’m finally with my heart’s desire whom I love so very much, I still can’t give you the one thing you need and want.
Apparently, I couldn’t give it to you when we were together, so now we aren’t together. Now that we aren’t together, I refuse to give you want you want.
You don’t deserve it.
But I do want to thank you. Thank you for making the choice to leave, a choice I should have made but wasn’t strong enough to do. My life has become infinitely better since.
Goodbye,
Me
—
The writer of this piece wishes to remain anonymous, but will be reading your comments, so please leave some!
I find this letter to be quite sad but I see that the writer has also been empowered through everything that has happened. Great writing,
Wendy
Extremely painful letter, eruditely expressed. I’m glad you found happiness and hope that one day you can really let go of this piece of your past.
A painful letter, but as you’ve figured out, he did you a huge favor.
Great letter, Me. I felt your pain. Here’s hoping and praying that one day you’ll be able to give yourself (not him!) the gift of closure. There’s something so much better out there for you.
If everything happens for a reason, then perhaps the good things that came from this agonizing episode were worth the pain. The author learned her own worth, learned how very valuable she is, and learned that she deserves better, she is worth more than being in a one-sided relationship with someone who only takes up space. The recipient’s departure opened doors in the universe which perhaps allowed the author to receive the abundance she deserved and to which she is entitled.
We are destined to repeat life lessons until we learn them. While I am sorry for the author’s pain, I am happy for her realization of self-worth. I wish her every happiness.
So heartfelt and pain-filled. I am so glad you came out of this stronger.
Here is your closure. You’ve moved on, you are happy, there is no need for further hashing it out, wondering why or what. This “man” isn’t grown up enough to be able to have that discussion and his search for closure is a salve for his conscience, don’t allow that to happen. Simply move forward and look at that time as a learning experience in your life.
I felt the pain in this letter, the desire to be everything he needed. I hope no you can concentrate on being everything you need to be and forget his opinions. You sound like a strong women. I hope now you see it too.
I agree with Elle – things happen for a reason so take your new strength, live the best life you can, and be happy that your miserable ex is just a thing of the past.
I agree with the other commenters, this is well-written and very emotionally charged. So sorry for what you have had to go through.
You should be comforted by knowing that you did all the right things in your marriage and tried your very best. I agree with what so many have said here – you are very strong. And also, his loss will definitely be your gain.
Onload of page my antivirus put alert, check pls.
Hobosic
You remind me of a time long ago where it was reversed, but yes same type of deal. Eventually after they get out of your life, you will form your own closure, but if you’re like me it wont be traditional. But it will heal and you will be the wiser for it in the future.
Powerful letter. Why does society teach women that the way to be a good wife is through servitude and why do men expect it? Even with strong women’s rights stances, I still fall in this trap myself and feel horrible for it. We stay too long in a relationship, never wanting to give up, thinking through our strength we can make everything better. We stay because we think the life we know is better than what we don’t know. I’m glad the writer has found some peace and hope that only the brightest of future awaits her.
Excellent letter! Sounds like things are better for you now that he is gone. Hate how it happened but I do believe that everything happens for a reason.
I glad you have found happiness.
Incredible letter and very powerful!
I initially thought this was wrotten by a man, for some reason. Am I wrong?
That’s painful to read – and I hope that now you can see you’re better off without him/her…nobody needs to be a doormat.
You’re so amazing, I am where you are, should be leaving but thinking of kids. Have been in this for 16 years of my life and recently realised most of them have been unhappy, I take joy in my kids and what I do for them. You are so brave and so strong. You are free. Best of Luck with that. X
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Take your lessons with you and use them to make sure you don’t end up with another one of those. There are good men out there. You don’t have to settle.
i’ve got tears in my eyes after reading your letter cause i know exactly where you’re coming from. i was in the same position for the three years of my last relationship. it’s nice to know i’m not alone, i hope you’ve found the happiness you deserve. =)