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Unsent Confessions: Anonymous

Mommy,

Like any mother, you’ve taught me so many things through my youth and adolescence. As a baby, you were the model I based my walking and talking off of. You helped me read and write. You even supported me in things that I wasn’t very good at as I got a little older. Thank you for that. Thank you so, so much.

Do you want to know what you’ve taught best, mom? With all those things that you’ve taught so well, you’ve taught me best to hate myself. When you started yelling and stopped trusting, I started wondering what I was doing wrong.

When that one slip up on that one test was the end of the world (a B plus, really?) I thought that I had to be perfect. You started just telling me I wasn’t good enough at this or that or anything at all! I was only 11 when you told me I’d work at Wal-Mart for the rest of my life.

Here’s the thing, Mom, I spent my first 14 years hating myself more than you’ll ever know. I cut, I starved myself, I beat my head against walls till I couldn’t see straight. But then I found friends who loved me. It was a miracle. It was because of them I slowly learned to appreciate who I am.

In 57 short days, I’ll be headed to one of the most prestigious pre-college programs in the world. I’m three months under the age deadline, and about 75 percent of the people in my “year” will be more than a year older than me. If that’s not enough, I’m going to kick their asses and do what I do best: be myself. Wal-Mart, mother? I think not.

With love,
Your daughter


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3 Responses to “Unsent Confessions: Anonymous”

  1. Michelle hacker says:

    There are no words for me as a mother of 19 year old daughter to express how proud I am of you! Even if you weren’t good enough for your mom then, or may never be, there are always people who love, admire, and support you…even if you can’t see us <3

  2. Beth says:

    This is heartbreaking. I’m proud of you for being strong enough to rise above the hand you were dealt. And should the day come when you decide to be a parent, I know that you will be the type of mother who encourages and supports her children, helping them to feel good about themselves and reach for the stars. ♥

  3. LaurieM says:

    At least you were smart enough to figure out that the choices are yours and you do not have to be what someone pegs you to be or predicts you will be and settle for that for years while trying to figure out what is wrong. You are more than another person’s sum of your life and being, but you know that already. Good for you! I hope you fly.

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