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Retribution, by Karla Reese

Brian,

When you left, I wanted to be angry. I couldn’t find it in me, but I wanted to be angry. Sometimes, in anger, you find strength and I desperately needed strength. But I couldn’t get angry. The only thing I felt was sadness. Overwhelming sadness.

You left me for someone else. You lied about it, but I knew the truth. I had always known the truth, all along, but knowing and wanting to see or act on the truth are different things. I was miserable, but somehow, I was comfortable in my misery. It was familiar. It was… safe?

As I knew would happen, you left… and that’s when I wanted to be angry. Eventually, a few months later, the anger did hit me, and the more I became angry, the more I learned about the truth of your deception… oh, how many months I played a fool.

What fueled my anger? I was angry that you thought I was stupid enough that I didn’t know.

I knew. I knew all along. I was imply too tired, too miserable and too sick to do anything about it.

So you did what I couldn’t bring myself to do and you left. You left me for her. I will never forget the day when I discovered the whole, unadulterated truth of adultery… your adultery, infidelity. You broke my trust, but that wasn’t really even the worst of it. You kept me hanging on by a thin thread, ‘just in case’ things didn’t work out between you and the whore who you let seduce you.

Typically I wouldn’t call the other woman a whore, because I’d figure she was simply lied to by you as much as I was, but in this case, it was very clear she knew exactly what the score was when she posted blog posts laughing about how stupid I was for not knowing how long this had all been going on. She laughed, reveled in it.

You used me, and yet, I truly put as much fault and blame on her as I do on you. You see, you used me, but that’s just who you are. She knew better and chose to act the way she did. I don’t think you can help it. It’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth.

So when you came to me and I finally confronted you, I told you then, “She’s going to cheat on you, do to you what you just did to me, and she’s going to break your heart and trust. I hope I’m there to see it when it happens.”

Guess what? I was there. It happened, and I was there.

And I learned something. It’s true that what goes around comes around. It’s true that we get back what we put out into the world. It’s also true that living well truly IS the best revenge.

When you asked me if I was happy, and I said I was, I could clearly hear the sadness in your voice. You had hope… hope, such a volatile little word. I had hope once. I had hope for a family and a friend and a lover who I could trust, who would treat me right, never hurt me, never break my trust. You promised those things to me, and you failed.

Now it’s you who comes back to me and has hope. You want me back. You regret so much. You miss me and wish you had never made the mistakes you have made. You still love me.

But I don’t love you anymore.

Do you know how powerful it is to be able to say that and truly mean it?

See, I don’t wish you ill will. I don’t want you to hurt. I’ve moved past you and on with me life. There was a time I sought revenge and wished you ill, but I don’t anymore. Now, I just want you out of my life. I don’t hurt for you anymore. I’m not angry anymore. I’m not sad, not upset, not worried, not bothered… I simply… don’t… care.

Retribution.

Universal justice.

And I didn’t have to do a thing to make that happen.

I’m not happy you’re hurting, but I don’t hurt for you. I’m not taking pleasure in your pain, but I’m not feeling pain for or with you. I’m not excited that my prophecy came true.

But I am satisfied.

So did I write this letter to gloat, brag about how good my life is?

No.

I wrote this letter because I want to thank you. I want to thank you for treating me so horribly that I could recognize, truly treasure, when someone came along who treats me good. I want to thank you for leaving, so that I was free to choose to love when he did come along. I want to thank you for being strong enough or stupid enough to walk away when I was not strong enough to do so for myself.

I also want to thank you for giving me back my faith in the universe, perhaps even my faith in God. I’ve always been told that you reap what you sow, that what goes around comes around, that what you put out there comes back to you multiplied.

Guess what? You proved that. Thank you for proving that to me. That you for affirming my faith in universally dealt justice. Because, you see, if it’s true that you reap what you sow, I’ve planted a nice harvest in my world, my life, my heart. I know now that it will all come back around for me.

In fact, it’s already started…. It started when he said, “I do, with all my heart, I do…” and it continued when you said your life had come full circle.

Now I move forward firm in the knowledge that I will get my due, reaping a harvest of love, faith, generosity and gratitude.

For the first time since you left, I can honestly say, “I wish you well…”

No longer yours,
Karla

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12 Responses to “Retribution, by Karla Reese”

  1. Gillian says:

    I am so glad that you did not let this ruin your life and that you have moved on. Enjoy your happiness and the harvest you have clearly worked so hard to bring into your world.

  2. amy says:

    Been there done that. Why do they often come back and try this stuff after they cheated? how in the world can they truly believe we can trust them once more?

  3. Felicity says:

    How much dirtier has the world of adultery become now that bitches like that can laugh at you on their blogsites and air all your grief to the world?

    I am glad that you are happy now.

  4. Linda St.Cyr says:

    Well written letter. I’m glad you have moved on from this painful situation.

  5. Elle says:

    They say that living well is the best revenge, and it is. But how affirming and satisfying it is to watch the universe create balance. It was never about revenge, it was about justice.

    You can forgive someone, truly forgive them in your heart, but expect and desire justice, just the same. And now, circle completed, closure obtained, you can continue to move on without that ghost from your past.

    Be happy. Live Well.

  6. Cathy Doheny says:

    I know exactly how you feel! My ex-husband also cheated on me. There was a time when I really wanted revenge, but now have moved on and just don’t care because I have a life that is so much better without him in it! Good for you for sharing your truth with others through this letter!

  7. Angel says:

    I am glad you are in a happy relationship now.

  8. Such an empowering and heartfelt letter, overflowing with complete grace. Well written..

  9. Borgieskid says:

    I think the best part of this whole ugly episode is that he finally feels betrayal, just like you did. Maybe now he will develop some empathy and think before he acts. You were there to teach him that lesson. And I for one think its ok to gloat a little.

  10. Shauna says:

    Love this letter. I can not only completely relate, as I have been cheated on in both of the two long-lasting and serious relationships in my life, but I understand your saying that what happened between you and him will just happen all over again in his life.

    I have yet to see that NOT happen to (usually it happens to be the male) the cheating mate. It is simple logic and I don’t understand why they don’t get it…they enter a relationship while IN one, therefore needing to bring lying into the lives of all 3 people now involved, and not think that the person they lied to be with will not do the same to them, OR, the cheating mate will just do it all over again to the “other woman”.

    Lying brings with it an entire new set of life lessons. I have been with a pathological liar (my 2nd guy), and he began to forget who he said what to. It was amazing, especially looking back with 20/20 vision; to realize just how many lies he had to tell to me, her, and himself!! It has brought so much bad Karma to him that he definitely deserves, and I can’t believe that he didn’t think that would happen.

    Again, excellent letter!! And sure, as the above commenter said, “It’s ok to gloat a little.” I agree 100% Why not!!

    I wish you a happy, and lie-free life, your Karma is following you just the way it should now. Good luck!!

  11. Marilyn Wong says:

    Such strength! I admire you immensely. Hugs.

  12. Erica says:

    I so feel this letter… I’ve recently been through a similar situation with a guy I dated… Currently I hurt and my heart is broken.Having faith in God I know that he will get his and God will restore me. I did learn that I am a good woman throughout this relationship. Your letter gave me both strength to face the tough days and faith that my current situation won’t last forever. Thank You for posting it!

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