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Cut it Out, by Angel Sharum

Dear Uterus,

I was shocked when the doctor informed me we would have to part ways. I mean, sure, you had been giving me more problems than usual, but I thought you had hooked up with Mr. Thyroid and y’all were just causing mischief. I never dreamed you were growing something in there!

You sure were busy too! From one appointment to the next, you had cultivated your seed to the size of a sixteen-week-old fetus! You know, if you were that desperate to grow something again, you should have talked to me. We might have come to some accommodation. As it were, you left me no choice but to remove you.

You knew I was scared of being put to sleep for surgery, because I’d mentioned it more than once, but it didn’t stop you. Turns out, I was right to be concerned. The surgery nurse told me afterward I scared them all when the medicine they give to calm people down knocked me out.

I had warned them about my medication sensitivity, but nobody believed me. The anesthesiologist thought she knew best, but in the end had to rework her doses before they could proceed. Turns out I didn’t need much more than the, “calm you down,” medicine for the whole procedure. I know you were hoping it would stop the surgery, but no such luck. Ha! Foiled again!

I’m glad they didn’t give me much more medicine. I was loopy and cross-eyed for hours after surgery as it was. The doctor was happy though. He said everything else in there looked clean as a whistle. Seems you were the only one rebelling. Well, you and Mr. Thyroid, but I’m too tired to talk about him right now. Get it? I’m too tired to talk about my thyroid problems. Never mind, you never did have a sense of humor.

In the end, I haven’t missed you at all. I know you were a giving soul, sending me a present each month. Nevertheless, I’m not a greedy person, so I’ve been fine without them.

Sincerely,
Yours no longer

~~~~

Angel Sharum shares her opinions through non-fiction articles, and her imagination through short stories and poetry. Making a connection, causing people to think and stirring their emotions, is what Angel strives for with every reader. http://www.angelsharum.webnode.com

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20 Responses to “Cut it Out, by Angel Sharum”

  1. Susan Sosbe says:

    Angel, this was funny. I don’t think I’d miss mine either. I’m glad everything turned out okay!

  2. Jo Brielyn says:

    Great letter, Angel! I don’t think I’d miss my monthly presents either. ;)

    I can’t wait to read your letter to Mr. Thyroid!

  3. Viktorya Hale says:

    very creative :) glad all is well now

  4. amy says:

    lol I hated those monthly presents, they are dwindling now thank the good lord..

  5. Linda says:

    very cute letter. I could do without the monthly present lol

  6. Angel says:

    Thanks, y’all. It really is nice without the monthly presents. I was lucky and got to keep my ovaries, so don’t have the hormonal/early menopause problems. Thanks for the comments!

  7. This was so poignant and adorable! (somehow) The new boy and his dog story….:P

    Very well written and light about a scary process. *hugs*

  8. Rissa says:

    Love this letter, too funny!

    Glad that it turned out ok.

    Great job Angel!

  9. Gillian says:

    Still giggling but with a side dish of poignancy. Great piece Angel :D

  10. Cathy Doheny says:

    What a great read, Angel! I loved it! I can definitely relate about surgeries. Sometimes you have to make light of it, or you’ll go crazy! You did a fine job of that here! Excellent work :-)

  11. LaurieM says:

    Too funny. I love that ending bit. This was a clever one, Angel, LOL.

  12. Angel says:

    Thanks, y’all. I’m glad everyone liked the humorous approach.

  13. Maggie says:

    Love the humor Angel! I’d like to say goodbye to mine right now.

  14. Rachel says:

    Great letter. I love your writing style. :)

    I am pretty sure I wouldn’t miss mine, but they won’t take it out.

    Heal up completely and well.
    ;)

  15. Rachel says:

    Saw this on Twitter by the way. :)

  16. Angel says:

    Thank you, Maggie and Rachel. It’s always good to give people a chuckle or two.

    Rachel, sorry for not including this part in the letter, but I had the hysterectomy 5 years ago. All is well now.

    Thanks for letting me know you saw the link on twitter. I’m glad to know twitter is good for this type thing.

  17. Cat says:

    This is great, Angel. I love how you can poke fun at what must have been a tough time for you. You show real courage and spunk, girl!

    All we women can definitely relate and no one seems too shaken up at the idea of not getting our monthly presents. Sounds good to me! Now that I’m nearly 50, I’m looking forward to no presents and being able to sell my stock in the “Always” company.

  18. Angel says:

    Since I had the hysterectomy, I can’t imagine having periods every month until I was 50. I feel sorry for all women who go through it that long!

  19. A's Mom says:

    Thanks for feeling sorry for me. I need it. LOL Until then I keep buying stock in the Kotex Corporation. Love the funny tone to the story.

  20. Angel says:

    Thanks, A’s Mom. Every now and then it’s good to write something with a lighter tone. Especially a serious subject. Helps put fear in it’s place!

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