Jun 20, 2011
I don’t know why I did that internet search the other day on your name. At first, it was just a whim type of thing, searching for people I remembered from high school and college, friends I’d lost touch with. I guess most of us do that at some point or another, right? So when I entered your name into Facebook, I was surprised when your name came up, because it’s such an unusual name. I remembered thinking, “There’s no way there’s two of them…”
But there was your picture. There was no mistaking it was you. My heart skipped a beat. Then it fluttered, then it sped up and I sighed.
You were my best friend. You were my lover. You were, for that time in my life, my everything, and then, one day, you were gone. And for the past twelve years, you have been nothing more than a distant memory. Until yesterday, when you were larger than life.
And you were only one click away. Just one click. Just a little click on the ‘send’ button, and I could reconnect to… what? To you? To my past? To a different life?
I wrote the email I wanted to send, then I wrote it again, then I wrote it again. And then I wrote this. And then I wrote this again. I deleted, wrote, rewrote.
In the end, I left the letter unsent. (more…)
Aug 26, 2009
We spent the evening doing one of those family nights like we used to do when we were kids. I met up with mom and we took the kids out bowling, and then grabbed some pizza before we headed home.
You would have loved it. Just seeing mom in a bowling alley would have made you laugh so hard you would have cried, and watching Jay do his “happy dance” would have split your side. You would love that kid completely. I just wish you would have had the chance to meet him. (more…)
Jul 6, 2009
To the man who let her go:
You don’t know me. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know you either, but I know of you. I also know your type. I also know and love someone you once claimed to love too. I suppose we have that in common, but that’s where the sameness ends. The biggest difference between us: I am smart enough to see that which was right in front of you and you neglected and abused.
How you could you look into her eyes and not see the love shining back at you? How could you look at that beautiful, soft face and not feel the desire to want to hold her, love her, touch her?
I don’t understand why you kept her at arm’s length. I don’t understand how you missed all the beauty both inside and outside of and around her.
She healed you inside. I know you felt it. I know you felt her healing touch, her love. I know you craved that from her. I crave it too, but I appreciate it, nurture it, treat it like the precious thing it is. (more…)
Jun 9, 2009
Dear Ex Love,
Sometimes, I forget that I’m not supposed to be in love with you anymore.
I walk past your favorite food in the grocery store and think I’d like to buy it for you for dinner. Then I remember I’m not supposed to love you anymore.
I drive by the donut shop on Eight Street and remember when we used to sit there together and eat the hot donuts early in the morning. My heart flutters and I feel those butterflies inside. Then I remember I’m not supposed to love you anymore.
I drive home to the house we used to share, see your car in the drive, and I get excited to see you. Then I remember I’m not supposed to love you anymore. (more…)
Apr 23, 2009
What the Hell, Wendy!
You always said we could tell each other anything. Then, when I do tell you how I feel, you stop talking to me. Well, I’ve barely scratched the surface of what I wanted to say to you.
First, being involved in all this drama makes me sick. Our husbands are brothers, connected by blood. Just like their mother, and their sisters, and everyone else in the family that you two never talk to anymore.
Am I just another one of them, another person in the family you don’t want to deal with? (more…)