Jun 24, 2011
I’ve never liked you. You know that. My relationship with you started when I was quite young, and you took my grandfather and then my father away from me. My grandfather you took from liver cirrhosis, and my father was diabetes complications, but we all knew it was from the drinking. He would even sneak cough syrup and Nyquil when mom would hide you from him, knowing you hid lurking in those bottles too. I remember, as young as three years old, watching him swig back from the green and red thick liquid.
I tasted you back then, but you were so nasty, I never understood why he felt like he did about you. But he loved you. Oh, how he loved you. He loved you more than he loved me, more than he loved mom, more than he loved anything. And we paid that price. We paid for every sip of you he took, and you just sat there, taunting us, teasing him, making him love you more and more. You knew he was married, had a kid and he needed to be responsible for his family, Alcohol, but you took him away from us, night after night, as he sought your solace in bar after bar.
But there was no solace, was there? You only left him wanting more and more.
Then it was my turn. (more…)
Jun 22, 2011
I have a secret I’ve been keeping inside for years, one that haunts me at night. I carry it around with me, always on my mind, ever-present. I think about what I’ve done, why I did it, and it all makes sense when I think back on it, but right now, with my new life, where I’m at now, and I can’t believe I ever did to you what I did.
But you don’t even know what I did. I don’t know where you are, or how to find you, or what I’d do even if I knew how to find you. So the only thing I know to do is to write it here in a letter I can’t ever send to you. I do wonder, if I could, would I send it? I don’t know.
So here goes… (more…)
Dec 30, 2010
Not sure how to start this email or even how to end it.
I started it because I needed to. I’m tired of being angry and trying to figure where the blame lies. In the end, none of that matters. You affected me, and I don’t regret it or consider it a mistake.
I wasn’t sure how I would look back on the last year. I understand that you were as honest as you could be. I believe you cared when you could. I no longer blame you nor am I angry or “disappointed.” I hope you’re happy and wish you the best in life. I hope you keep focused on yourself and what you want out of this time, life’s too short…and everyone is deserving of fulfillment. (more…)
Jul 27, 2010
This letter had been in my desk, in my heart for a long time. It was said that it’s better to use intellectuality rather than emotions. Yes, I do admit that. But the thing is, though my numb mind says “never mind” to what I feel for you, My heart screams and butterflies fill my stomach every time you pass by.
I am here to simply say I’ve fallen for you, ever since we first knew each other.
Wow, I can’t believe I am finally saying this… (more…)
Jun 21, 2010
Like any mother, you’ve taught me so many things through my youth and adolescence. As a baby, you were the model I based my walking and talking off of. You helped me read and write. You even supported me in things that I wasn’t very good at as I got a little older. Thank you for that. Thank you so, so much.
Do you want to know what you’ve taught best, mom? With all those things that you’ve taught so well, you’ve taught me best to hate myself. When you started yelling and stopped trusting, I started wondering what I was doing wrong. (more…)