To Whomever it may Concern:

I confess that I have been disloyal to my character, dishonest with myself and afraid to be me.

I love him only because I have no one else. He would be at my side at the drop of a hat. He can’t afford to provide me with the basics in life and uses the word of God to manipulate me into staying. I left him for the 52nd time this year and I am lonely. If I were to call him he would run right over.I asked him why he tolerates me and he says its because he loves me.We don’t really love each other; we love the drama. If it wasn’t for the drama this relationship would bore the hell out of me.

I can’t stay. I can’t go back. It’s like an addiction. I am lonely, getting older, few friends I can trust, few people who are interesting. I don’t want to talk about cutting coupons or what I will make for dinner, and I sure as hell don’t give a crap what’s on TV.

I am angry; my life is a waste. Really, go to to work, go to your TV, then go to bed. This is your life? How fricken’ dull.

Am I really that different?

Really, is there no one left who likes to visit and go places and do things?

Why even bother breathing if that’s the case?

I sent an email to him. I don’t really want a reply.

I sent a ‘hi’ on Facebook to the one I really loved and do not expect a response. I sent a ‘hi’ to an old friend who may or may not reply. All of these people are intertwined in my past, like a chain on my ankle. But I am the one who is afraid to let go, afraid of being alone rather than unhappy or in an unhappy situation.

Signed,
Anonymous confessor