Mommy,

Like any mother, you’ve taught me so many things through my youth and adolescence. As a baby, you were the model I based my walking and talking off of. You helped me read and write. You even supported me in things that I wasn’t very good at as I got a little older. Thank you for that. Thank you so, so much.

Do you want to know what you’ve taught best, mom? With all those things that you’ve taught so well, you’ve taught me best to hate myself. When you started yelling and stopped trusting, I started wondering what I was doing wrong. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Paakhi,

Yes, I always wanted to call you a little bird. Why a bird? So that you would have wings to fly and soar up, high up. Higher than the clouds. Beyond anyone’s reach. Nobody could catch you or pin you down. Probably you may get a chance to speak to the wispy clouds, the ones that dissolve so mysteriously. Some of them might even take you along their eternal journeys across the skies. Paakhi, you may even fly close to that great orange-red orb in the sky, feel its searing heat. I am sure my little angel will make friends with the great sun god. Maybe even the sun god will envy your freedom. The magical sunbeams will be partners in your adventures.

Like a sunbeam you flood my life with light and colour. My darling daughter, yet to be born, how many dreams I weave for you. You will get to see the many-coloured rainbows. Paakhi, you might teach them to do a tap dance with you. My little bird don’t get scared of the loud rumbling thunderstorms or the lightening that might come in your path as I was when I was young. I would cling to Amma’s sari and hide my face in her lap. I would close my eyes and think that by burying my head deep, my troubles would go away. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Lost-Forever,

I still think about you. When certain songs come on the radio, or I see a skateboarder in the street, or even when I see guys who shares your slight, but overwhelmingly cute overbite, I think of you.

I’ll always think about you.

Being my first boyfriend, my first love, my first lover – well, I should remember you, right? Oh, but it hurts.

Do you remember staying at my house those weekends, hiding from my grandfather? Do you remember the day we lost our virginity, and how afraid you were that you might hurt me? We used to take showers together, and you hated washing your hair but you’d let me wash it for you. Do you remember? I do. Read the rest of this entry »

My love,

I have a confession to make to you, a horrible confession that I know I will never have the courage to tell you to your face.

I love you. You know I love you more than I have loved anyone in my life, so that’s not my confession.

My confession is that I have lied to you.

Do you remember when I told you that I had left behind my old life when I came to you?

I lied. Read the rest of this entry »

To Whomever it may Concern:

I confess that I have been disloyal to my character, dishonest with myself and afraid to be me.

I love him only because I have no one else. He would be at my side at the drop of a hat. He can’t afford to provide me with the basics in life and uses the word of God to manipulate me into staying. I left him for the 52nd time this year and I am lonely. If I were to call him he would run right over.I asked him why he tolerates me and he says its because he loves me.We don’t really love each other; we love the drama. If it wasn’t for the drama this relationship would bore the hell out of me. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear love,
I guess it’s time I confessed. It’s been on my mind for a long time, and the only reason I haven’t said anything is because I know how many people would be hurt by my words. If my position were different, if family wasn’t an issue, let me confess… I wouldn’t be here.

I love my family, even the partner who I no longer share a bed with. I’m pretty sure most people think I don’t love him, but it’s not true. I love him deeply, but no longer as the ‘gay young lovers’ we once were. The love we had, the passion and adoration, no longer exists. If I had had a brother, he is the one I would have chosen. A friend, someone who supports me and does not question my decisions, only watches me muddle my way through them and picks up the pieces at the other end. I love him my way, and most people would say ‘my way or the highway’ is akin to a motto for me. Read the rest of this entry »

(Unsent Confessions is a part of the Unsent Letters blog that is sent in by anonymous writers, who don’t want their name attached to the writing, don’t want anyone to know who they are, but have a confession to share in the forum of a letter. These Unsent Confessions are all sent in anonymously, and the author’s identity is private.)

Dearest Brian,

I tell you often that I love you, but I wonder if love is enough for me. I hate the way our lives are going and I think if you really loved me after three years that you would make a commitment to that love.

You would never cheat on me and take another woman to your bed. You do feel it is okay to be the big brother to every female on your online friend’s list, including a woman you had a past sexual relationship with a few years before we even met. Read the rest of this entry »