Dear Catholic Church,
As a Catholic who left the church many years ago, I’m sure you think this letter will be full of repercussions. After all, I am an ex Catholic…well, sort of.
I left the church because I divorced my husband. Yes, I had very good reason to leave him and was told that I could apply for an annulment, but he would have to agree. He didn’t agree. For my own safety, I did not want him to know where I lived and so I let the opportunity of annulment go. That was years ago.
I went on a journey of discovery after that; a journey that lasted more than twenty years. I became very metaphysical then, spiritual instead of religious. I was very enlightened. I read everything I could read and attended classes and meetings with others of like mind. You see, from the time I was a very young child, I had experienced very strange things–things that couldn’t be explained. I decided that religion was for the comfort of man and not for the comfort of God.
God was no longer God; He was known as the “universal truth”, the “source” and just plain “light”. Jesus was floating around there somewhere with angels, but most metaphysical people don’t mention Jesus. He might be considered the “source” or not.
Those strange things I had experienced my whole life weren’t miracles; they were signs and gifts. Did you know that if you stared at a leaf long enough, you can see the individual cells of the leaf and its aura too?
There was no such thing as Satan and nobody was evil. Someone may act evil, but in essence they only act that way because of their own life experience. If someone is raped or murdered in this life, its because they themselves had been a rapist or murderer in a past life. But to move on in their spiritual growth, they had to experience what they had previously inflicted on someone in a past life.
I loved the readings too. All of these metaphysical people were so wise, so connected to the universe and beyond! They told me I had been hurt badly, that a friend had betrayed me and that my path had been rocky in life. They really knew me. I was often very frustrated because they seemed to be so much more spiritual than I was, on a much higher plane of consciousness.
And then one day all of that changed. It was the day all of my very strong beliefs were not only questioned, but they just flipped over. Like magic. No, more like a Miracle. It was 9-11.
On that day, I knew Satan existed. On that day, I knew there truly were evil people in the world. Not the poor, abused people who had reason to strike out against the rich uncle. No, these were well-educated and rich men. Crazed and possessed men. They were evil. I knew it; I knew it in my heart. As we watched beheadings in horror, I began to pray to God again. I made the Sign of the Cross and prayed. And I got goosebumps.
Now goosebumps are a big thing in the metaphysical/spiritual realm. Goosebumps tell you that what you are thinking is on the right track. Goosebumps “verify” that what you think is true. So goosebumps when I prayed for the first time in years was a very good thing. To my still metaphysical mind, it meant that I was supposed to pray.
Surprisingly, one of the first things I prayed was the Apostles Creed. As you know, it sums up what Catholics believe in. Now the metaphysical person in me thought there must be a reason I picked that one off the top of my head. To me, it was a “sign” that I needed to get back to my roots, back to being a Catholic, even if it was only in the comfort of my home.
As I studied my old religion, imagine my surprise to see just how closely the “spiritualism” I had been practicing had religious roots. But those roots were greatly discouraged during meetings or events. No religion. One religion. The Universal Truth. The Source. The Light.
I opened my eyes to the truth of it all. I have to say that I feel very qualified writing about this, because I’ve been on both sides. When “the Secret” came out, I was amazed. Amazed that it took the world by storm, thanks to Oprah. But the Secret wasn’t a secret at all. It was a compilation of every book I had ever read and written in such a way that the reader thinks the writer must be very wise. The writer takes snippets from books that were written a hundred years ago and books written twenty years ago. It’s just another scam by people looking to make money, in my humble opinion. It’s a condensed version of every book I’ve ever read regarding spirituality and metaphysicians.
I began to see that I have always known the “truth” about myself, it’s a gift God gave to me when I was born. You see, my parents weren’t Catholic. Dad was Greek Orthodox and Mom was a Lutheran. Neither one were churchgoers. But, at three years old I used to cry until somebody took me to church. So I went to many churches in my little town; I went with whoever would take me. I was up and dressed and ready a full hour before services started. So as a child I went to the local United Bretheren church, the Pentecostal church, the Methodist church and the Catholic Church.
Now why would such a little kid have such a need? Religion wasn’t discussed in my house, my parents didn’t stop me, but they certainly never influenced me. And at the age of about eight years old, I chose to become a Catholic. So, I was Catholic by choice. I followed everything, I went to First Fridays and Rosary Circles; I was in the choir. I went to confession and communion every week. I went to church several times a week for years.
Now, for others reading this, you might think it’s because the church was my “only” social life. Not so.. I was a very popular kid in school. I got good grades and made friends easily. I was a cheerleader, too. To me, church was never a “duty” or a chore, it was a joy.
Upon my “awakening” after 9-11, I did a lot of thinking. Meditation was such a big deal in metaphysics, yet here I was, reading my Daily Missile and there it was in black and white… daily meditations. Weekly meditations. Special meditations. Hmm, so Catholics meditate? I’m sure I’ve always known that, but it never “hit” me until then.
The “signs” that were so stressed in metaphysics were also a part of the Catholic religion. The mysteries of Jesus Christ, the mysteries of Mary, the mysteries of the Holy Trinity, the mysteries of the Holy Spirit and the mysteries of faith.
The beauty of looking at a leaf and really discovering each cell was also part of the Catholic Church for me. This may be the reason I chose the Catholic Church in the first place. It was hushed, it was beautiful, it was awe-inspiring, it was sacred. It felt holy and that feeling was always inside me anytime I entered the church, whether with the congregation or on my own. I felt connected to God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit there. I was connected. And that was the little parish of St. Anne’s. I loved it.
You should always remember this letter Catholic Church, because if you keep your churches holy, sacred and awe-inspiring, you will always have new Catholics. Some of us just can’t help it. The sacred act of the Eucharist fills our eyes with tears and our hearts with joy. The unchanging mass brings stability to lives in turmoil and the beauty of the churches brings rest and comfort to a weary soul.
So thank you Catholic Church, for instilling in my heart the true love of God, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the hope I have for my eternal rest. Thank you for teaching me about the bible, about our Savior. Thank you for your traditional ways. Thank you for naming the Beatitudes, I just love that name because it really describes the Sermon on the Mount. Beauty.
Thank you Catholic church for the thousands and thousands of good and decent priests and nuns; those special ones who are called to serve mankind–To serve the hungry, the sick, the grieving and the poor. And do it with grace. Thank you for Catholic Charities that helps people pay electric bills and buy food and pay their rent and adopt babies. God bless them in their selfless mission in this life.
Thank you Catholic Church for EWTN TV, so those like me who can’t physically go to mass have the opportunity to participate in the rosary and the mass. I thank you for the sense of mystery and miracles that now take the place of metaphysical signs and magic. But most of all Catholic Church, I thank you for keeping the church the way it’s needed…traditional, sacred and holy.
Your Loving Daughter,
An Awakened Metaphysician/Spiritualist
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“Awakened” is a recovering metaphysician who actively pursued metaphysics as a lifestyle and income for more than twenty years. “Awakened” read Egyptian Cartouche Cards for others and used the Ouija Board and channeling for herself. “Awakened” now cringes at how naive she was and prays that others like her will awaken to the truth soon.
